Do you still have your period?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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