He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
