my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
