Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i've created a new STD.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
