What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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