Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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