remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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