apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
