I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
