I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
