whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
