I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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