You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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