I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
