I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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