This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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