I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
