..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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