We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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