i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
