you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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