My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
