im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
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It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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