Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
