Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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