He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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