Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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