The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
