I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
