Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
