I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
