Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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