So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
