I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize