I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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