just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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