The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
