Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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