Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
