Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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