I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
