mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
