I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
