alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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