This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
