i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
we should paint friendship bongs
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
