Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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