its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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