dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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