so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
