some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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