All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..