So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.