Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

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  (708): I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME" http://tfl.nu/3lzs
  Replies (39) Good night (10212) Bad night (734)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

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  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8721) Bad night (955)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

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  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
  Replies (73) Good night (18932) Bad night (3877)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed

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  (765): She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed http://tfl.nu/bbsg
  Replies (18) Good night (1871) Bad night (4140)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him

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  (416): He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him http://tfl.nu/ykad
  Replies (12) Good night (2551) Bad night (1007)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.

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  (785): You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina. http://tfl.nu/6dr6
  Replies (8) Good night (3215) Bad night (978)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.

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  (651): I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his. http://tfl.nu/2lgm
  Replies (15) Good night (2553) Bad night (791)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Tiny.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.

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  (402): Tiny. (402): I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed. http://tfl.nu/6vga
  Replies (8) Good night (1550) Bad night (724)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.

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  (904): The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins. http://tfl.nu/2pe6
  Replies (7) Good night (882) Bad night (449)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..

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  (570): Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours.. http://tfl.nu/vg6d
  Replies (1) Good night (677) Bad night (385)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"

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  (617): So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?" http://tfl.nu/5su3
  Replies (3) Good night (2424) Bad night (463)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.

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  (920): Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar. http://tfl.nu/5oi1
  Replies (7) Good night (810) Bad night (301)
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  (805): View more from California

  Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...

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  (805): Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands... http://tfl.nu/zbxi
  Replies (4) Good night (661) Bad night (328)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.

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  (720): I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys. http://tfl.nu/mqj0
  Replies (0) Good night (269) Bad night (315)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.

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  (416): Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you. http://tfl.nu/65sl
  Replies (2) Good night (401) Bad night (663)

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