So drunk its hurt
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I sprained my soul last night
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?