Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities