Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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