I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Congratulations! We have a period
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