the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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