There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i will never coherently bang her
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
