I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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