They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
