My cat gives me a boner
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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