His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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