I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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