I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
